Dealing with Cheating

Love does imply ability to understand and to forgive the person whom you love. However, there are different kinds of forgiveness. You can forgive your husband if he forgot to do washing up or if he didn't take the pie from oven in time. To forgive cheating is quite another pair of shoes.

“Should I forgive him?” many women answer this question as they do doubt whether they will be able to forget about cheating and to believe the husband just like they used to believe him before cheating.

It is very hard to forgive a cheater. But this is possible. There is no common solution of this problem as each situation is unique. The main thing is to decide whether you are going to stay with this person or not. Are you going to struggle for a happy family? Take in consideration tips given below.

The origin of the problem

The fact is that usually infidelity is not the main problem, it is only a symptom of other, more important problems. There are always hidden problems that make a person find another partner to have relationships with. First of all you should find out what these problems are and to solve them.

Dare discuss the situation with your husband. Ask him to let you know what were the reasons for his cheating as you can reveal a problem that can be solved only by the both of you.

Try to avoid blame , as this is not the right time to judge who is right and who is wrong. Now your main purpose is to realize that cheating took place and that you both should decide whether you can do anything about this matter or you should break up and begin building relationships with another person. You should both be eager to find out what caused cheating and to decide what should be done about your relationships.

Remember all good moments

According to studies, couples that survived cheating and saved their marriage do respect each other and realize that they are the most important persons for each other. This feeling is the main motivation for forgiveness and it can disappear if the trauma that is caused by cheating is too serious.

That is why you should never forget about the feelings that you both experienced in the beginning of your romance. Do remind each other of reasons for your staying together and of those nice moments that took place in your life. These recollections are sure to help you deal with temporary difficulties in the relationships.

It is very important to overcome blame and feeling of guilt and to analyze the very essence of your marriage: your common interests, life goals, and many other things that connect you. You can discover new things you never know before and you might realize that something should be changed.

According to experts, cheating, though being an awful experience, can be beneficial for one's marriage. A woman, who survived cheating and managed to forgive the husband says” Before I thought that our marriage is something eternal and nothing can put the end of it. But cheating opened my eyes, I realized that we should show each other our love every day , that we should care about each other. Our relationships became closer and deeper than ever!

Some more tips for those who want to forgive

- Anger is a bad advisor. It is clear that it is difficult for you to hide emotions and you really should not pretend you have no emotions at all. But do try to control yourself. If you feel you cannot deal with the anger, suggest your partner to departure for some time.

- While discussing the problem try not get only the information that is necessary to understand the reasons of the problem. Do not ask the cheater to tell you all the details as these can become very bad recollections for many years. A woman said: “ He told me “ When she touches me I tremble. When you touch me, I don't.” These words were enough to destroy our marriage. I could not stay with him any longer.

- You are very likely to become very suspicious. Say to yourself “no” every time you feel you want to have a total control over your husband.

- To forgive means to forget. Never remind your husband of cheating even when fighting and when you want to show him what a bad person he is.

- One more important questions: how to turn back sexual relationships with a man who betrayed you? Usually wives of teachers choose one of two extremes: they either try to be a goddess of sex to prove she is better than the other woman or refuse sex at all. Yes, it is very hard to feel like there is somebody else in your bed...

- A woman tells: Only after a year I began feeling comfortable with my husband in bed. I could not get rid of the thought: Did he caress her the same way as me?” We decided to stop having sex for some time, until we restore trust between us. After some time we began kissing and step by step we turned sexual relationships back.”